You hit me with a cricket bat. They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! You hit me with a cricket bat. You’ve swallowed a planet! You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. You know when grown-ups tell you ‚everything’s going to be fine‘ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? They’re not aliens, they’re Earth…liens! It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool. You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?

Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you? Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! You know when grown-ups tell you ‚everything’s going to be fine‘ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better?

You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? Did I mention we have comfy chairs? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. I hate yogurt. It’s just stuff with bits in. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish.

I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish.

All I’ve got to do is pass as an ordinary human being. Simple. What could possibly go wrong? You’ve swallowed a planet! You know when grown-ups tell you ‚everything’s going to be fine‘ and you think they’re probably lying to make you feel better? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff.